Freed from suicidal thoughts.
Fiona Atim
ON 16TH FEBRUARY, 2022 I had a bad dream that made me jump out of my bed in terror. All I could remember from my dream was a picture of my phone blacking out and the iPhone logo going off and it being dark. I thought I had missed 5am prayers, but it was a Wednesday so it would have been the day of Flow Prayer. I checked my phone and it was at 1%...I got so scared and thought the dream was coming to reality (although I didn’t know what the dream meant). I checked the time and it was 3:20am.
All of a sudden I just didn’t want the morning to arrive. I started to feel so terrible, and I hated myself so much. All I could think about was how I would get through this day. I didn’t have money, I had no one to lend me money, why is life this hard? I couldn’t even afford the basics of life! I started to really think about ending my life. I’m just a disappointment; business has failed because I barely have money for it, the landlord is constantly reminding me about the unpaid rent, no food in the house, MC is not working out well, the Cohort is hanging by a thread! So many mistakes at my new work place Why don’t I just go! I started looking at the flat iron wire and started thinking about how to use it. I was just tired! And I just wanted all of it to end. I didn’t want to read the Bible or even go for Flow Prayer and I didn’t...I stayed in bed.
All of a sudden I just didn’t want the morning to arrive. I started to feel so terrible, and I hated myself so much. All I could think about was how I would get through this day. I didn’t have money, I had no one to lend me money, why is life this hard? I couldn’t even afford the basics of life! I started to really think about ending my life. I’m just a disappointment; business has failed because I barely have money for it, the landlord is constantly reminding me about the unpaid rent, no food in the house, MC is not working out well, the Cohort is hanging by a thread! So many mistakes at my new work place Why don’t I just go! I started looking at the flat iron wire and started thinking about how to use it. I was just tired! And I just wanted all of it to end. I didn’t want to read the Bible or even go for Flow Prayer and I didn’t...I stayed in bed.
I slept until I woke up again, jumping out of bed, and I decided to watch Flow Prayer after all. When Ap. Mosze came up to give us the prayer direction, it was exactly what I needed! I cried my eyes out because I knew it was God speaking to me, affirming that He had heard my prayer and He was hearing, seeing and knowing what I was going through. After the last testimony, I cried some more and as I sat in the living room, I felt a warmth come around me, and I felt some sort of peace. I’m really grateful for Flow Prayer that day, and I’m staying positive and hopeful.